Fellow family man helping you be a better husband and father
Welcome to my profile page! My name is Adam Hillis.
I write to encourage, inspire, and equip family men so their wives don’t leave them and their kids won’t hate them.
Why I Write What I Write
My wife and I had a rough beginning to our marriage. I imagine similar to most people.
As the years progressed, things got a little “less rough.” We went from about 10 big fights a year to 8, to 5, and then to about 3 fights a year. However, those 3 fights were EPIC.
The amount lessened, but the explosion size grew. I think we learned to keep things…
True love is acceptance of the whole, not just a sliver
“For what good is it if only a sliver of you remains? … In truth, no one can live with a sliver; for slivers, even of gold, are near-impossible to hold.” —Mark Nepo
Does it ever feel like your partner only accepts a piece of you and can’t accept the whole of who you are? As if only a sliver of you was acceptable? How long can someone hold on to you if only a piece of you is acceptable?
Years ago after seeing Silver Linings Playbook in the theater, my wife and I exited mid-discussion about how love makes…
Happy Monday! Here are this week’s stories from the Vault!
I hope you guys had an awesome weekend.
Just wanted to draw attention to the two stories we posted this week.
What I Regret I Didn’t Do When My Kids Still Lived At Home
Having 3 kids in their twenties, Vuyo Ngcakani brought us a great piece where he looks back on what he wishes he did better when his children were living at home. As a young father it was a great reminder that I don’t have all the time in the world.
Why Your Life is a Reality Show
I was reflecting on the opinions I sometime get from family members. Yet, I don’t see them that much…
Your family and friends are the audience.
“Before fixing what you’re looking at, check what you’re looking through.” —Mark Nepo
The way your family, in-laws, and friends see your life, marriage, and parenting is much like a reality show.
They are only around you a bit, so that’s all they get to see—a bit.
You share stories, or maybe a frustration, maybe a joy, and that’s all they hear. From those pieces of interaction and information, outsiders create a story in their mind about you, your spouse, and your marriage.
It’s their narrative based on the information they have.
Think of any of the Kardashians, any of…
Hey Everyone!
It’s been a couple weeks since I sent the last newsletter announcing changes coming to The Dad Hammer publication. Well… the first change is here!
The Dad Hammer is now The Dad Vault.
Today brings a new name, new logo, and some tweaks to the submission guidelines.
Like most of you, I have a day job (and a side gig) in addition to being a family man. So doing this publication is a bit of a passion project. More is to come as I make time!
I’m working on a more in depth article on what the Dad…
What we’re looking for, how to submit, and the guidelines
“‘Father’ is the noblest title a man can be given. It is more than a biological role. It signifies a patriarch, a leader, an exemplar, a confidant, a teacher, a hero, a friend.”
—Robert L. Backman
The Dad Vault publication is a collection of articles for family men about the journey and balance of faith, family, and function (i.e. beliefs, marriage, parenting, your day job and being a provider).
Our aim is to encourage family men in the various roles they play, inspire them to grow in those areas, and equip them with tips and resources to do so.
What We’re Looking For
We…
Hey Everyone!
I wanted to introduce myself (more info below). My name is Adam Hillis, and I am going to be stepping in for Jack.
Quick backstory…
He and I met years ago at our church in Portland, OR. Then a few months later he moved to Eastern Washington and I moved to Southern Oregon. We’ve stayed in touch via email, social media, and Medium.
If you didn’t know, Jack started The Dad Hammer a few years ago as a place to post stories and articles about being a dad, and how we build the lives of our kids. …
Bringing home our first born from the hospital was surreal. With a brother 15 years younger than me, I had a good deal of experience changing diapers, making bottles, and rocking babies to sleep. But this was different. This one was mine!
He has my DNA and looks like me. The weight of responsibility I felt was enormous. I now had a little person that relied on me to survive.
It wasn’t until our little guy became a toddler, and guiding his behavior was a normal, daily thing, that the idea of my parenting style crossed my mind.
What kind…
“For whoever finds [wisdom] finds life and obtains favor… he who fails to find [wisdom] injures himself…”
—Proverbs 8:35–36
Learning comes from one of two places: wisdom or consequences. Either we’re taught from others who already have the knowledge, or we learn from the consequences of our choices.
The more “pleasant” way to learn is from others, as lessons from consequences are often taught through pain. The emotions felt in our painful experiences imprint lessons into our psyche. Emotions are the printer, pain is the ink, our heart and mind the paper.
While it may be more pleasant to learn…
You are what the world needs. More salt. More light.
Salt brings out flavor. It’s a preservative. It can be used for wounds. It affects whatever it contacts and brings about change. It draws out the essence of flavor and best qualities, seals in goodness, helps things last longer, is anti-infective and anti-inflammatory to help heal.
Light spreads. Goes everywhere. It cannot co-exist with darkness. It always wins. Light is energy, warmth, life-giving and life-sustaining.
The goodness in you is light. Spread it everywhere. Beat darkness. Win with energy, warmth, and by giving and sustaining life around you. Simply love without strings.
You are salt. Draw out the best that already lives in people. Safeguard others. Be an ingredient that leads to their healing.
“You are the salt of the earth… You are the light of the world… let your light shine before others…” — Matthew 5:13–16
