A couple of things on that...

If you really wanted out, you would get out. That's an excuse and way to blame others. You're making yourself powerless, and you aren't. Own your choices.

My sister wanted out of her marriage and thought the same thing. So she was miserable for years longer than she needed to be. Then she finally sucked it up and pulled the plug.

It hurt. It wasn't easy. She took a hit financially, emotionally, socially, and all the ways one could expect.

But that was temporary.

Years later (nearly 50), she's happily re-married to someone amazing. It only took her 3 tries.

Also my other sister took 3 tries.

And my dad took 3 tries.

All with multiple divorces, but all now happy later in life.

Don't blame anyone or anything else. If you want a divorce, then get one. You'll eventually land on your feet in the direction you want.

Second thing, I read a post of yours and can see you have a history in the church. I have extensive history and experience in churches.

All I can say is I'm sorry. You and your wife deserved better.

People suck.

Unfortunately they also lead churches and can be pretty bad at it.

If you care to do any more reading, I wrote this 3-4 years ago about wanting to divorce my wife several years before that.

https://medium.com/publishous/the-christian-myth-of-god-hate-divorce-84e067e7dc11

Not saying that is any kind of help. Just another perspective.