Did you ever think you married the wrong person?
I have. Lots of times.
It has typically been in the midst of a fight or disagreement Lisa and I couldn’t seem to resolve.
Thoughts creep in that sound like, “Could she really be the one if that’s what she thinks?” “Man, if we can’t agree on this there’s no way we can stay married, right?” “There’s gotta be someone else out there for me who would agree on this.”
This dialogue with ourselves is centered around the idea of a mismatch. Because of some sort of friction we think we must not be a right fit.
Somehow it gets in our heads that the divine order of things broke when we chose our spouse, and we chose wrong. This wasn’t who I as meant to be with. God has someone else that I totally missed out on.
The problem with this thinking is it puts the onus on God and the universe rather than us. It eliminates free will, which is the basis of basically everything.
Love cannot exist without freedom and choice. That’s why when God created Adam and Eve he didn’t make them robots or puppets that just loved him and never didn’t anything wrong. They were given free will to choose God or choose something else.
When we stood in front of our friends and family and said, “I do,” we were making a free will choice to love the person in front of us no matter what. It wasn’t hopefully correctly finding one person out of the 7 billion in the world, and since we completed this impossible task of finding “the one” it’s all gonna be peachy.
So we think we chose wrong. Let’s divorce, right?
Now we have to slog through the other 6,999,999 people in the world in hopes of finding the actual one we missed the first time around.
There were a couple of key people in my life that questioned my choice of marrying Lisa. Their concerns for me, which were 100% out of love and care for me, were listened to but ultimately ignored. I married her anyway because I loved her.
Then we got married and began to fight.
The internal conversations started…
Those concerns must have been right. My loved ones were really looking out for me! In my pride and arrogance I ignored them and made a HUGE mistake! Now I’m stuck with this crazy lady… I either endure my mistake for the rest of my miserable life or get a divorce. I missed out on “the one” and now she’s out there somewhere. I gotta find her! It’ll fix everything!
I let the well-intentioned concerns of these family members get into my head. It planted a seed that grew exponentially anytime I had a fight with my wife.
Every argument, every disagreement, every time I realized how different we were in an area, it acted like fertilizer. Bitter roots grew deep and I allowed this lie to hold ground in my thinking for a long time.
But the truth is she is the one.
Because I chose her.
And I continue to choose her daily.
Loving Lisa and fighting to stay married is my choice of free will. I want to be with her, and I vowed to stay with her, so I do all I can to cultivate a great marriage.
My choice won’t always be accompanied by fuzzy feelings. Bad days will be mingled with good days and vice versa.
The fuzzy feelings are a bonus and a blessing, but they aren’t the point. I didn’t get married so my wife could make me feel good. I chose my wife because I love her. Because I love her I continually choose her.
She’s “the one” because I decided she was.
Want a New Perspective?
I’ve created a measuring guide to alter how you view your marriage and your spouse. Ask yourself these questions, your mindset will shift quickly.