How Mindset Changes Marriage

Adam Hillis
3 min readJan 9, 2018

For years my focus was on not getting divorced.

Nearly everyone in my life was divorced. My parents, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, mentors, and even some friends. I wanted to be different. I wanted my marriage to be the example people could look to.

It became an act of will to not get divorced. And it worked! We stayed married!

But I was miserable…
So was Lisa.

My thoughts were: don’t get divorced, divorce is bad, you don’t want to deal with the shame of divorce, divorce will ruin your kids, divorce sucks, stay married somehow, just don’t get divorced.

But the Law of Attraction was in full force. Since my mind constantly focused on divorce, though I was trying to avoid it, divorce sat in front of me being pulled closer and closer with every thought.

Turns out simply staying together isn’t the key to a happy marriage. Married people can hate each other and choose to remain married and still hate each other.

With my focus on not being divorced I was molded into simply that: a person who wasn’t divorced. My marriage’s main quality was a contract not being dissolved.

When I realized how my thought patterns were causing me to think the word “divorce” over and over again, I changed.

My internal dialogue became: I want a great marriage, fighting to be connected to my wife will better my marriage, the best gift I’ll ever give my kids is a healthy marriage, I want a marriage others admire.

The moment our minds shift to desiring a thriving and amazing marriage instead of not wanting to get divorced, our thoughts begin to shape us. Stop enduring a marriage to avoid divorce, but pursue a great marriage. Two totally different things.

Whenever Lisa and I have a few spats in a row I can look back at how my approach to our marriage is affecting things. Am I avoiding divorce or pursuing a great marriage?

Our daughter is 7 months old. Recently I realized our focus shifted much of these early months to let’s get through this season of life. The goal was survival.

Being in survival mode turned us into parents and spouses limping along from thing to thing and night to night just trying to stay alive until hopefully it gets better.

What if it could be better tomorrow? Why not today?

Where our mind sows its energy we will reap.

The baby still isn’t sleeping through the night. When I’m up with her at 2am I’ve decided to stop thinking tomorrow is going to suck. Lisa and I are going to be so tired. I hope we don’t fight.

Now I think this age is the most time I’ll probably ever get to spend with my daughter. What a blessing! I know Lisa is going to be tired tomorrow. What are some things I can do to help her day not be as difficult?

This shift from negative to positive in the mind will also shift the atmosphere of your home and marriage. Every time I’ve ever done this and approached my marriage with pursuing positivity, connectedness, and serving my spouse, we thrive.

With a change in mindset, we are proactively involved in the goodness of our marriages. Stop sitting back and surviving seasons of life while letting the storms steer you.

Stop avoiding divorce.

Go after a great marriage!

Want a New Perspective?

I’ve created a measuring guide to alter how you view your marriage and your spouse. Ask yourself these questions, your mindset will shift quickly.

Get the guide HERE!



Adam Hillis

Helping course creators who can't afford a copywriter fix their sales pages || Certified Direct Response Copywriter || Married 16 years, most of them happy