How to Keep Going When You Don’t Think You Can
Where did I go last several weeks?
The Hillis House is expecting Baby #3 in May 2017!
While (obviously) incredibly exciting, our lives sort of blew up when we found out. Lisa was sick for about 6 weeks. This isn’t just normal morning sickness kind of stuff. She was basically incapacitated for 6 weeks. I found myself as a virtual single dad in addition to being her caretaker in addition to still trying to keep up at a full-time job.
Lisa was sick when pregnant with both Asher and Abel, and the 2nd made her more sick than the 1st. So the natural progression, I guess, is for the 3rd baby to just destroy her livelihood.
As a husband it’s a hard thing to sit helpless and watch your wife suffer. I want to fix things. It feels like my duty to step in and make things better. But literally nothing helped. Prescription anti-nausea pills only stopped her from vomiting. It never actually ended the nausea.
After about 3 or 4 weeks of making breakfast, packing lunches, doing drop-off/pick-up at school, dinner, baths and bed, always late for work and meetings, I started to feel pretty sorry for myself.
I thought I was going to crack and shatter all over the living room floor into a puddle of man-tears. It didn’t seem like there was anything left in me to keep all the plates spinning.
I was going to lose my freaking mind.
Wrapped in a blanket on the couch, with her eyes closed, still in pajamas from 2 days ago, my always-on-the-verge-of-puking wife kept me going with a few words. She said, “Adam, your so amazing. I know this sucks, but thank you so much for all you’re doing. You’re incredible.”
It was amazing what this did to fill my tank.
A few words of affirmation from the one I adore the most lifted my spirits and inspired me to continue. She made me feel like I was doing a great job while also validating the crappiness of the situation I was enduring. It was all I needed to make it another couple weeks.
Now at 20 weeks, things have semi-normalized in our home once again. Lisa is back on her feet mom-ing again, though she doesn’t have quite as much energy. She’s even managed to go back to work once or twice a week.
I thought Lisa’s words lifting me up showed the power of encouragement. But the reality was that I had other people at work and other family members encouraging me in the midst of an energy-draining season.
Their words didn’t have the same affect as when they came from my wife.
Your spouse’s place in your life is so much different than anyone else that their words and actions carry infinitely more weight; good or bad.
This team we call “family” rests on the shoulders of two people, and those shoulders are strengthened by affirmation from each other. We need to continually remind our spouses that we are in each other’s corner and we believe in one another.
Go tell your spouse that you love them, appreciate all they do for your family, and you believe in them.
It’ll help them keep going.
Want a New Perspective?
I’ve created a measuring guide to alter how you view your marriage and your spouse. Ask yourself these questions, your mindset will shift quickly.