Adam Hillis
2 min readAug 5, 2018


Matt, thank you so much for reading!

My heart goes out to you and your wife. The circumstances of life, both big and small, seem to get greatly compounded when adding a child to it all. And financial struggles always seem to carry a weight heavier than most other problems.

Your comment is interestingly timed as I just posted this article this morning:

The time in my marriage when that article was written was a little while after our bankruptcy. Not having the debt didn’t solve problems in my marriage, it just removed one of things we were fighting about. But then, as a man, I was carrying shame that I even had to claim bankruptcy in the first place and couldn’t provide for my family.

Maintaining connection takes SO much work. There is nothing in my life I have had to be more intentional about.

When I have believed my wife’s “love for me extinguished” I have often found it still existed under the crap we were dealing with. It actually never went away. There were just so many things covering it up and stealing its attention.

Don’t give up, fight for that connection.


One of the best things I do when talking to my wife is ask, “Is this something you’d like my advice on or need me to fix? Or are you needing me to just listen?”

Probably 9 out of 10 times I think the answer is she needs my advice. Every time I seem to be wrong. Not speaking is probably my most powerful tool. LOL

Be blessed. I’m praying for you and your wife.



Adam Hillis

Crafting educational email courses for coach/creators || Coaching men to connect w/ their wife & kids, and themselves || I juggle marriage, kids, and words