Our excuses are valid if we want them to be.
I know that pays for alimony after 30+ years of marriage. Not ruining him.
I know someone else that is paying the mortgage and utilities for his ex and 3 kids. Money is tight, but he's making it work.
You don't even have kids to worry about!
If you want out you can get out.
It looks like you have 3 options:
1) Stay in a marriage you seem to hate, keep writing about how awful it is anonymously on the internet, and be miserable until you or your wife dies.
2) Decide to work on yourself and your marriage to make it better.
3) Bite the bullet, get divorced, and start rebuilding a new life.
From my experience, these all have varying levels of pain and difficulty with corresponding results.
Option 1 - feels the easiest because it's familiar. Long-term it's the worst and makes you the most miserable.
Option 2 - is by far the hardest. Probably also takes the longest to get through to the other side. But those who do it are happiest. However, it also takes a willing spouse.
Option 3 - feels the hardest because we see all the immediate changes that will happen and how we'll be uncomfortable. But it's actually the easiest. Gets you moving in a new direction right away. Just gotta pull the band-aid off.
Which ever option you go with, own the fact that it's what you are choosing.
You're not a victim.
Not of your wife, your church, or the system.
You're a grown-up. You make your own choices. Take responsibility for them.
Good luck on your journey.
I really hope you can find some joy and happiness with whatever you choose.